So the government shut down. I really thought that mounting pressure would cause the GOP to back down. Maybe it shows my political ignorance and naivete, but I really thought this would be avoided, that it was all a game of chicken. Hundreds of thousands of government employees, including my husband, will be forced into unpaid leave until this gets worked out. Stress. We will be OK, I am sure, life has thrown us curve balls and roadblocks before, we always make it through, but why? When will things settle down for us?
I have been paying more attention to the news the last few months, in the present world climate, I feel a responsibility to be informed, at least. I have formed my own opinions about what is going on and the outcome I believe would be right for this country and would hold true to my values. Even still, at this moment, what really bothers me is that it is affecting my family. My husband is a person with a truly admirable work ethic, he doesn’t deserve this. We both have enough stress in our lives, we don’t deserve this. Stress.
The stress is what takes a challenging situation in the world and makes it all about me, when my personal priorities overshadow my ideologies. Maybe there are those who are exceptionally good at remaining objective in stressful situations, but that’s not me, I make it personal. How could they do this to my husband? can’t they understand that this is our life, our world?
In my new job, I am taking on more responsibility than I have ever had before. Great right? I have an opportunity like never before to have my ideas actually listened, implemented. My input is not just tolerated, but invited, its why I was hired. This blows my mind. I have been given an amazing opportunity to have influence in my areas of passion. I have also been given an opportunity to mess up on a larger scale. Stress. The expectations are greater but less defined, I have to make decisions on things I have not had a chance to fully research, in a city in which I am not fully educated on the community resources. I am trying to become more educated, but I have been putting in 11 hour days just trying to get the job done. Stress.
Stress is making me focus less on the ideals for which I am working, and more on how hard it is for me right now. Am I self centered or what?
In the end, what does this all get me? I can’t fix the government, I can’t even remember which state I am registered to vote in. I can’t make the needs of the organization I now work for less, and wishing for someone to tell me what to do won’t make me better at dealing with the increased responsibility. Catering to insecurity makes it worse. I can only do my best, I will either succeed or fail, but stress makes my world so much smaller. I don’t want to live without looking beyond what affects me directly. I want to fight for the ideals, I want to make the world a better place. I want to plant trees whose shade will be enjoyed by those who come after me. I can’t do any of that if I indulge stress.