It’s been awhile. I let myself have a long break, I needed it, there has been a lot going on. Plus my computer screen was broken, and took awhile to remedy.
Let me bring you up to speed.
My job is going way better, all of us have been really working on our communication, and I confronted my coworker who I had a challenge communicating effectively with and we were able to lay a lot of stuff on the table. I got a really positive review from my supervisor, and have been really doing better and playing to my strengths more over all.
I have handed in my resignation.
Husband has been transferred back to Maryland, so we will be saying goodbye to Hawaii in just a few short weeks.
Just when things were getting really good!
I have learned and grown so much in this last year. I have met so many unique and inspiring people. I have been a part of something unique and been able to imagine and create a program in a way I never would have imagined. I have recently realized just how passionate I am.
We had some women from a prominent and fancy bank host a screening of the movie Girl Rising for us tonight. I ended up catching a ride home with one, and ended up sitting in the car on my street for two hours telling her about my dreams for the program, my admiration for the women, my frustrations with the challenges and barriers they face, and my advocacy work. I can be a talker when its a topic I am passionate about, and I want people in the corporate world to understand and appreciate what we do and our women, but I was surprised myself. I had hoped to make a career here, doing what I do and getting better at it. In frustration, I thought about changing it up entirely, going into more creative work, but more and more I find myself remembering why I love what I do. I am scared I won’t find a job quickly, a job that is suited for me, working for women, doing something that plays to my strengths. I am nervous that what I have here is unique, as unique as our program and community, and I will be set back yet again, forcing myself into work I hate, that I am not good at, and that doesn’t really need me.
Why is it that times of transition bring clarity and confusion at the same time? I once again spent an indecent amount of time wracked with self doubt, and not enough time appreciating the opportunity for what it was. Maybe next time I will be wiser.